Selling Soulfully with Jennifer Allan

Picking up from Wednesday's blog about how introverts (and other Reluctant Networkers) can and should make more friends to sell houses to, here are some thoughts on how to go about doing that. And trust me, you'll find no nonsense here about accosting every stranger with a business card or elevator speech, or reminding everyone you know how much you LUUUUUUV Referrals!

It's actually much simpler and low-stress than you might think, especially if you are an introvert. You're not trying to find your new best friend or partner for life, you're just trying meet a few (or a lot) more people who think you're generally a decent person who probably can handle the intricacies of a real estate deal. Some may become good friends, but most won't, and that's fine. While I toss the word "friend" around, I'm referring mainly to "people who know you," not all of whom are friends. Most aren't, actually.

So, when someone tells me they have a small Sphere of Influence (SOI), I find out they're almost always thinking that they SOI is their "friends and family." And that's not right. Your SOI is "everyone who knows you and knows that you sell real estate." That's important to keep in mind.

Most advice for expanding an SOI centers on joining groups, networking, volunteering & such. Terrific! If that's up your alley, see ya at the Chamber. But it's not everyone's cup of merlot. (And actually, no, you won't see me at any Chamber).

I prefer a much more subtle approach. And it works, promise.

Every time you leave the house (which you should do on a regular basis), practice making eye contact with strangers. If you're an extrovert, this may come naturally to you, but if you're like me - more reticent about such things, it probably doesn't. Usually when I go out in public, let's say to Wal-Mart, I avoid eye contact. I look at the floor, the ceiling, the apples, or my shopping cart... anything but the other people in the store.

However, I notice a big difference in my shopping experience when I make a concerted effort to LOOK at the other people I'm shopping with. Wow - it's fun! When I smile, they smile back! What a concept.

One day I went to a big box liquor store and using my make-eye-contact-with-strangers campaign, I struck up conversations with eight different people! Okay, so I didn't sell a house to any of them, but you never know.  

So, do I think you'll build a huge SOI by hanging out at Wal-Mart or the booze-store? Maybe, maybe not. But it's a great practice ground to get in the habit of bringing the outside world into your world instead of studiously shutting it out. Even for introverts, it's not hard to smile pleasantly at people who cross your path, especially if you're NOT in a networking situation where there's that subtle added pressure of effectively promoting yourself.

BUT... think about this... what if you smiled pleasantly and made eye contact with ten strangers a day... and struck up a conversation with just one of the ten? Just one? Every day? For a year? Y'think you might have a sweeeet SOI 365 days from now?

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Question: "I understand that I won't always get my friends' business, but when I don't, is it reasonable to expect a courtesy call explaining why they hired someone else?"

It's tough when someone you know entrusts their real estate business to another agent, isn't it? When you're new, the disappointment can take days to get over, but even for Old Fogies like me, it'll still sting for an hour or two.

I believe that it's best to give your friend the benefit of the doubt and assume that she had a perfectly good reason for her decision not to bring you in on her real estate transaction. Trust in that, swallow your hurt and move on. Don't risk the friendship (or future business!) by demanding an explanation, complaining to mutual friends or sulking the next time you see her.

It might help you to behave properly if you look at the situation from a purely mercenary perspective. Your friend might become disillusioned with her chosen real estate agent - either during the transaction or afterwards. If it happens "during" and you've been pleasantly professional (as opposed to accusingly indignant), you might just find your friend back on your doorstep begging for your help. But even if this doesn't happen, the agent she chose might have been a major disappointment and you can actually cement your position as your friend's go-to guy or gal for her future referrals. But I guarantee neither will happen if you pout, whine or fuss about her decision.

I don't think the general public realizes how hurtful it is when our friends hire someone else - I doubt they even give it much thought. In most cases, it's not AT ALL personal, so they don't even think to feel bad about it, or feel they owe you any explanation.

So, does your friend owe you a courtesy call? No. If you get one, dandy (and please don't make her regret her decision to do so). But if you don't, please don't fret. More than an hour, anyway.

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• Thanks, SOI, but I don't need your loyalty!
• Obligation: A Dirty Word When You SOI!

The Summer of Soul Begins Saturday... Get Your Ticket here! 

COMING SOON! The Sequel to Sell with Soul -
"If You're Not Having Fun Selling Real Estate, You're Not Doing it Right!"

(My opinion will be glaringly apparent in about 10 seconds).

I'm horrified on a daily basis by the emphasis in our industry on PROSPECTING PROSPECTING PROSPECTING! Anyone who reads my blog already knows that, but here I am again with my jaw dropped to the floor at some recent comments on another blogger's post. I won't repeat them here because I have no desire to publicly criticize anyone (must be feeling abnormally sweet today) and besides, it's only my opinion, but JEEZ! To imply, heck to outright state that our most important duty as LICENSED real estate agents is to focus on finding new business as opposed to taking great care of what we already have... literally nauseates me.

My friends, I'm not stupid or naïve. I know that as self-employed people we need to ensure a steady stream of business to our door, but for heaven's sake - show those people who find their way there and HONOR us with their business the respect they DESERVE - and take care of them AS OUR FIRST PRIORITY!  Yes, BEFORE our prospecting activities. I'm serious.

Because you know what? If you approach your business with that attitude - if you get up every morning asking yourself what you can do for your clients to make their lives better (and frankly, impress the hell out of them with your service), they will take care of you the rest of your career. I promise.

Is it that many in our ranks don't really know how to take good care of their clients? That they were never trained in the nuances of buyer or seller representation? Or never cared enough to figure it out themselves? All they learned how to do was prospect, GET that sign in the yard and then waltz away to pursue the next victim prospect? Say it isn't so!

Be assured, I'm not asking anyone to do something that will hurt their business by begging them to spend more of their time on their clients instead of their prospects. The very best prospecting you will ever do (and by far the cheapest) is to prove to your clients that you are a fabulous real estate agent who knows how (and cares enough) to get the job done. Not surprisingly, that's awfully darn rare in our business, and will make an impression on those whose paths you cross.

This, by the way, is the essence of Sell with Soul. Be worthy of the business you attract. And as a result, attract lots more of it.

Rant over. Tomorrow I'll pick back up with the Confident Rookie Series.

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www.SellwithSoul.com

"Hi, this is John and you've reached my voicemail. Your call is important to me and I return my calls between 1:00 and 2:00 and 5:00 and 6:00. Please leave a message and I'll call you back during those hours."

The first time I heard this outgoing voicemail message I didn't realize it was a script from a program; I just knew I didn't like it. Why? I'm not sure, really (maybe others who feel the same way can shed some light) - the closest I can come is that I almost felt scolded, as if I called at an inopportune time and should have known better. Or like it was a power play or something.

Okay, yeah, I'm a bit sensitive.

Anyway, I suddenly started hearing this outgoing message all over the place and figured out that it was part of a program that apparently lots of people had signed up for.

Fair enough. Whatever works.

I never warmed up to it. Oh, I know what the point is - it gives your callers an expectation of when you'll call back, provides structure for your day and demonstrates that you're a busy person. All good things, I suppose.

But what if you stated your "I return phone calls" message and then strived to return your calls earlier, thus making your callers feel special! One of my lenders does this and it actually does the trick - instead of feeling relegated to the to-do-at-4pm pile, I feel as if MY phone call was actually important to him!

IMO, it's a terrible business strategy to intentionally do something that might make your clients or prospects feel anything less than your Number One priority. Are they? Of course not, but every person on the planet longs to feel special, longs to feel important and if you can make that happen for them, there might be a future referral in it for ya (and you won't even have to beg for it)!

www.SellwithSoul.com

Awhile back, I wrote a blog called "Touching versus Impressing." The gist of the blog was that taking the time to "impress" one person may be far more effective than "touching" a hundred. I challenged agents to strive to "impress" at least one person a week.

So, want an easy way to get your once-weekly impressing duty done? Every time you have a conversation with someone, make an effort to learn One Thing about them that you can follow up on in a week or so. And once you've identified that One Thing, WRITE IT DOWN somewhere to remind yourself to follow up and DO IT.

For example, as I write this, a girlfriend of mine is flying home from a romantic getaway with her long-distance beau. It's on my list to call her tonight and find out how it went. A few months ago, I went out for drinks with another girlfriend who had to cut our date short to run home and check on her brand new puppy. I emailed her the following week, asking for photos of the puppy. Another friend of mine is embroiled in an ugly legal matter, so I'll check in with her in a week or two to see how it's going.

Is that simple or what?

The Seduction of Your SOI Starter Kit

BAH!

Is anyone tired of of hearing this line? Lately it's all about Twittering, Facebooking, Linked-in-ing and whatever other latest technology I'm not familiar with. At a Terry Watson presentation at last year's Colorado Realtor Rally, he proclaimed that an agent's Number One marketing tool was... YouTube!

HUH?

Of course, it's not as if we haven't been hearing this same crap forever. In the old days (and still some today), the Masters proclaimed that if you don't cold-call, door-knock, farm or advertise, you'll be dead in the water. Then you had to bombard your Sphere of Influence with cheesy mailers every month. Then you had to have a fully-functional website. Then you had to SEO and PPC. Oh, and you must have a PDA (the old-timey Daytimers won't cut it). Gotta have a blog, mobile-web and GPS...

OR YOU'LL FAIL!

Nonsense. I guarantee you that if I never Twitter or go near my Facebook page again, it will not affect my success selling real estate. And I'm still enamored with my trusty Franklin Planner (the paper kind), with no plans to upgrade to digital.

Just do what has always worked for you! Upgrade to new technology when YOU'RE in the mood, not when some guru scares you half to death with the consequences if you don't!

"If I don't Twitter, I'll fail..." Sheesh.

http://www.sellwithsoul.com/rookieschoolinfo.htm

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You may not have noticed, but I've been away from the Rain for about two weeks (except for a few little housekeeping blogs). Blog burnout - it happens and it's usually good for the soul... What have I been doing? WRITING MY NEXT BOOK! Outta nowhere, I was in the mood to create the next masterpiece (tee hee), so that's where all my creative energy went. And... voila! The first (very preliminary) draft is done!

So here I am.

Got a question this morning from a reader about SOI'ing* in a new town. And, whaddya' know, I'd just written about this topic yesterday in Chapter Four...

"Dear Jennifer, I just moved to a town where I have no SOI. Any ideas using your philosophy? Thanks for any input you can offer."

My Response (excerpted from my preliminary first draft of the new baby);

"But I'm New to Town and I don't know anyone!"
So, a little lacking in the SOI department? The only people you know are your spouse, your real estate agent and the nice lady at the bank? Well, it's a start.

First, allow me to be frank with you. Starting up a relationship-based business in a brand new town is not easy. In fact, in some cases, it may be darn near impossible. A little tough love here - if you find yourself in this situation, either by choice or by necessity, you need to accept that you HAVE a choice to make. Either you will get your backside out there in the world and meet some people as fast as your legs will carry you, or you will put your business plans on hold until you have "organically" built a sphere of influence.

Let's talk about both options.

Getting Your Backside Out There
If you're an introvert, this may seem overwhelming. I mean, WHAT exactly can you do to "meet people?" I'm with ya, there. A few years ago I moved to a new town and after two years there I hadn't met much of anyone (no, I wasn't selling real estate; I was writing books).

Frankly, I would never advise anyone to begin a new real estate career in a new town... not just because of the SOI limitations, but also because you have so much ELSE to learn! A new market, new customs and maybe even new laws and contracts!

But since you asked, I'll do my best to answer.

First, make a list of everyone you know. You may be surprised how many people you know already. Keep a notebook with you at all times so you can write down the names of people you think of as you're going about your day.

Set a goal of how many new contacts you want to have by, say, the end of the year. 200 is a good number to shoot for. Figure out how many people you need to meet between now and then to reach your goal. (The sooner you have 200 contacts, the sooner your SOI strategy will work for you - there's just something magic about 200.)

Using respectful strategies you've read about here, in my books and on my blog, strive to make new friends. Best friends? No, of course not. Just put up your antenna, put a smile on your face and greet the world like a fresh breath of air. Go ahead and do open houses, prospect to FSBOs and Expireds, or any other sort of lead generation you feel the need to do. Just be sure to treat everyone you meet as someone you might build a relationship with, not just as someone who might buy or sell a home.

Because, frankly, your goal is not necessarily to meet everyone in town with a real estate need - your goal is meet people who KNOW other people* who have real estate needs.

The more people you know, uh, strike that. The more people who know YOU, the more likely your name is to come up in conversation when the topic is real estate.

Simple enough. If you're new to town. Go make friends. TODAY!

Putting your business on hold
This is a very viable option, as unappealing as it may sound on the surface. If I were to relocate today with the intention of selling real estate in my new locale, I would probably use this approach. I'd get another job for a year or so; preferably in a company or industry that included the opportunity to meet people. I'd focus on my goal of cultivating an SOI of 200 or so and keep my antenna up for opportunities to be social, to be helpful, to get my smiling (non-salesy) face in front of people I would enjoy knowing. I'd strive to always be perceived as an RCHB, so that when I made my announcement that I was returning to real estate, the people I'd met through the year would have the confidence that I'll be a darn good real
estate agent.

As an introvert, making the effort to be social IS an effort and not something that comes naturally. However, I'm also mercenary enough to be willing to do it if I think it's leading to something profitable for me. And of course, a side benefit of this mercenariness is that I'll make friends in
a new town. Win/win all around.

* SOI'ing = Building a business based on the personal relationships in your life (ideally without making a nuisance out of yourself)

The Savvy Prospector: Eight Weeks to a Full Pipeline for Life!
www.SellwithSoul.com/savvyprospector.htm

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As much as I'd like to claim that I'm always looking out for the other guy, and always put my friends' and clients' needs ahead of my own... well... I just can't say that with a straight face. I can be awfully lazy at times (quite often, actually) and would much rather do exactly what I wanna do and the rest of my world be da*ned!

But... unfortunately, when you're self-employed, that's probably not the best approach to life. Because y'know what? In our industry, every warm body on the planet has the potential to bring you a $10,000 paycheck and there's no way of telling who that next $10k paycheck will come from. Blow someone off ‘cause you're feeling lazy and you might just have blown that week's (or month's) opportunity for The Big One.

So, lately, when I'm asked for a favor, or even to go out socially (as an introvert, I'm not always in the mood) and I'm inclined to decline, I back off and ask myself "What's in this for me?" And y'know what? I can almost always think of something "in it" for me, above and beyond the potential to have fun, eat some good food or drink good wine or even meet my next $10k client. I hesitate to give you any of my recent examples because they are SO DARN SELF-SERVING, I'm almost embarrassed.

But does it really matter what my motivation is, as long as I do the right thing?

So, give it a try. Next time you're tempted to decline an invitation or say NO to a favor asked of you, take a moment to be selfish and ask "what in it for me if I do this?" If you truly can't think of anything, you have my permission to stay home! But I'll bet you'll find that more often than not... there IS something in it for you that makes it worth doing!

My friend Bob Delle Donne in Florida challenged me to find a way to sell 's in March. I rolled my eyes at him, but he insisted. He said to just put it out there into the universe and see what happens. Well, okay. And y'know what? Sales are way up! I got a ginormous order last night from Amazon.com and am getting about four times the orders on my website. Neato! If you'd like to participate in my universal experiment, I'd certainly be honored. Volume discounts available (I know the boss). xoxoxo

BUY A BUNCH OF SWS'S! (or just one)

Been doing a little private SOI (Sphere of Influence) tutoring with some local Denver agents. Yesterday, as I was working with one of my students, she asked me a question that got me thinking (I love that). She asked "So, my goal is to expand my Sphere of Influence database to a certain number by the end of the year?"

Well, sorta. At least, that's probably one of your goals. But as I answered her question I realized that there are really four different branches of an SOI business model, thus four different "goals" to shoot for as you build your SOI model.

Here are the four branches:

1. Your Direct SOI - that is - the people you know
2. Your Indirect SOI - that is - the people your SOI knows (i.e. referrals)
3. Your Third Generation SOI - that is - the people you meet via your SOI
4. Everyone Else - that is - every single person you encounter in your day-to-day wanderings

Your Direct SOI
These are the people who know you and know you sell real estate. It's made up of your Group One (your social network) and your Group Two (those people you know that you don't socialize with). You should try to have at least 200 warm bodies there; of course, more is better, but they don't "count" if the person wouldn't recognize your name off the bat. These are people who KNOW you, even if they aren't your best friends.

You'll get business from your Direct SOI, but it probably won't be your primary source of closings. Most of aren't blessed with an SOI who buys and sells houses on a regular basis!

Your Indirect SOI
These are the people your Direct SOI refers to you, who, of course, will be added to your Direct SOI once you've met. Your Indirect SOI should be a fairly consistent source of business for you, assuming your Direct SOI thinks a lot of you, and they know how to find you.

Your Third Generation SOI
These are the people you serendipitously meet as a result of your existing personal relationships. For example, back in 1996, I met my second and third clients ever at the wedding of a mutual friend. I met another client at a Pride parade I attended with my GLBT friends. Another at a Super Bowl party. Stuff like that. This can be an enormous source of business for you, if you're often out there in the world with a smile on your face and your antenna up, and can speak intelligently about your local real estate market to anyone who's interested (and please don't bore those who aren't!)

Everyone Else
These are the people you run into during your daily travels. Every single person you meet, every day, has the potential to be the newest member of your Direct SOI. Not all will, of course, but you never know who will end up being your biggest fan. It might be that young couple who stumbled into your Open House who had a child the same age as yours. Or that woman standing next to you at Ace Hardware getting a key made, who casually mentions she just moved to town. That guy you meet at the dog park. Your neighbor three doors down who is looking for his lost cat. The woman who calls you off your Craigslist ad to purchase your roller blades.

Again, HUGE potential with this category - if not today, then next month or next year.

So, looking at the four branches... how can you incorporate these four categories into your SOI-building goals & activities?

www.SellwithSoul.com

SOI 101: What exactly is an SOI business model?
SOI 102: The SECRET to Successful SOI
SOI 103: My daughter's best friend's parents just hired someone else!
SOI 104: I think I've blown it with my SOI

"Dear Jennifer,

I've been reading your blogs about SOI and my heart is sinking. I think I've blown it with my Sphere of Influence by constantly asking them for business and referrals. Is there a way I can redeem myself with my friends, or do I have to go make all new ones?

Bill"

I get this question a lot! Mostly from new or newer agents who have been brainwashed into believing that an SOI (Sphere of Influence) business model means that they're supposed to drive their friends nutso with constant reminders of their love for referrals. Most tell me that:

1) they felt it was wrong, but were convinced to do it anyway, and/or
2) they've felt their friends pull away and suspect they're avoiding the agent's calls.

Oops. Not at all good for business OR your social life!

Here's what I tell these distressed agents.

There are a couple of things they can do. If it suits their personality, they can address it head-on with an apology letter - very sincere, not too sappy, but friendly & apologetic, with a "let's move on" tone. I'm not convinced this is the best line of attack, but it might be effective if done well.

Of course, then the agent needs to follow it up with action - he needs to BE a non-referral-begging friend who happens to be a real estate agent. Coffee dates, casual emails, dinner parties - whatever socializing feels comfortable with the various members of his SOI. Oh, and he doesn't mention his real estate career unless it's appropriate, but strives to come across as a happy, enthusiastic, reliable, dependable, generally cool person who is probably a fabulous real estate agent, as well.

If the apology letter doesn't feel right, then he can just make a concerted effort to reconnect with his SOI, as above, and if the opportunity arises and it feels appropriate, give a little apology in person.

The other thing he can do is strive to build his SOI by meeting new people and NEVER breathing a hint of referral-begging with them. He can meet new people thru his existing SOI and by being out there in the world with his antenna up. I consider my SOI strategy to be more about meeting people THRU my SOI, not necessarily generating business directly from the people I know.

Of course, the best approach is to not annoy one's friends in the first place, so that there's no need for apologies or redeeming one's dignity after the fact!

The SOI Starter Kit - Everything You Need to Implement Your Own Sphere of Influence Business Model
SOI Starter Kit