"Dear Jennifer,
Got up this morning and saw that my daughter's best friend's parents listed with someone else! They've been on my mailing list and their daughter and my daughter have been best friends since grade school. I'm crushed. Should I continue to send them things or take them off my list?"
Jane"
I get these letters all the time - people who have embraced my Sphere of Influence (SOI) philosophy and then feel kicked in the teeth when someone in their SOI hires another real estate agent. They almost seem angry at me for leading them to believe that they could count on the loyalty of everyone in their contact database!
Well, first, I always give permission to my friends to feel really really bummed for an hour or two. If they're brand new in the business, they can even fret overnight about it. It's a natural reaction, and even I'm not immune to it. We tend to think that anyone we've ever breathed on is obligated to use us to sell their home, as long as we made sure they had our business card in their possession. Heck, just last week, I went out for drinks with a new friend and found out just that day she'd listed her house with someone else! The nerve! Yeah, I was a little flustered by that, I can admit.
But here's the thing... or things.
First, in the vast majority of time, when people make a business decision that adversely affects you, it has NOTHING TO DO with you at all. It's not personal - not one little bit. I'm rather thin-skinned, so I find myself hurt all the time by perceived slights, only to find out later that the "slight" was completely, utterly 100% reasonable. An example- last week someone I thought adored me unsubscribed from my mailing list. I was crushed. Later, she wrote to me to say she'd changed her email address and wanted to make sure she continued to get my mailings!
When someone in your SOI chooses someone else to work with, it's almost a certainty that their decision made sense to them and had nothing whatsoever to do with their feelings for you. In fact, it's likely they didn't even think of you when making their decision - yes, the people in our world have their own lives to lead and aren't particularly concerned about ours.
However, if you truly believe that the hiring decision was personal, then you need to ask yourself why that might be so... and it's not likely that it's because the other guy is an idiot or a meanie. There's something about your relationship with them that led them to believe you were not the best (wo)man for the job. But if the extent of that relationship is a series of postcard mailings and an annual calendar, then it's quite possible another agent is higher on their friendship priority list than you are.
Should my friend continue to market to her daughter's best friend's parents? Sure! It's possible that they won't be happy with their choice in agent and might someday start fishing around for my friend's card when the listing expires. But they definitely won't do that if my friend acts at all miffed or unprofessional about it.
An SOI philosophy does work. 100% of the time? Uh, no. Not even close. But when it doesn't, yes, you have my permission to pout about it for a little while!
RELATED BLOG: Obligation - a Dirty Word when you SOI
Next in the series... "I think I've blown it with my SOI!"
Get an autographed copy at www.SellwithSoul.com!
Jennifer - those things happen all the time ! Your advice I think is right on the money. Feel it, accept it and move on ! As you say, there could be a multitude of reasons. I think it makes sense for the person to reach out to them and just inquire with the folks to see the basis for their decisions. Often times, once you ask the question, you will be satisfied with the answer. And then also, as you say, you position yourself to be the 2nd realtor just in case it does not work out. Either way, it is all good ! ~ Chris
Hey Chris & Stephanie - I'm going to be in Philly on March 17th meeting up with some SWS'ers... would love to meet you!
Jennifer, Great Advice..a moment of frustration can undo a lot of good PR. The other agent in this case could be a relative or the wife of a business partner. Your advice to keep sending card, remain friendly pans out in the long run most of the time. The long term goal is to be seen as the consummate professional and be there for the next deal and the next. If you anger this client for passing you over there is no recovery and no future referrals from them coming your way.
Great post Jennifer...thanks.
I allso feel that some friends don't want you to know about their financial situation.
Excellent advice, Jennifer! And maybe Jane was thinking of taking them off of her list, not in anger, but so as not to make the parents feel bad for NOT choosing to work with her! Just another spin on it. : )
Morning Jennifer, I think your premise ( That it really isn't anything personal... ) is right on the money. If we knew the dynamics of any given situation...
Thanks for your informative post. I know that in certain cases, often in job transfers with relocation packages, the brokerage/agent is already assigned to the home seller.
This happens and you need to accept it and move on. I agree with what you said: "their decision made sense to them". That is how I look at it. I don't take it personally. It is not always easy or wise to work with a friend. :)
Great post! I am very interested in the book and your past blogs. Going to do some research in a bit. Thanks for good info!
A very smart, top producing agent once told me "some will, some won't, so what, next?" Some people feel that you are too close to the situation. Maybe they have a financial skeleton or two. Don't worry, be happy! NEXT!
Sometimes even your SOI wont list with you or use you because of a close personal issue. IE maybe they were going into financial problems and didn't want you to know.
Good point, it is so easy to take it personally when you miss out on a listing to another agent!
The other thing is a lot of people do not feel comfortable mixing personal live with business life and that is what buying and selling a home. We tend to think we are good as realtors at seperating the two but family and friends may not.
Something all too common. I believe that ultimately if something is meant to be it will be. If it wasn't, you can't miss what you never had. Thanks for posting this.
Jennifer -great advise and i found when this happens the reason being is financial and they didnt feel comfortable with you knowing. but keep sending them your mailings who knows that other agent might not work out and they will be sure to call you and had that situation happen also.
We should never expect listings from people we know. When selling a house financial matters come into play or their family dynamics. It could be for reasons such as these that people who we thought would give us their listings don't.
It is always a good policy to remain upbeat around these sellers and never show how upset you are. They might have chosen this person because they have a family or business connection as well.
In the area I live in, almost everyone has a family member or close friend in the real estate business. Farming to this area would be a waste of money. Sending out emails to these people on a regular basis would be a friendly gesture but not something I would expect to get business from.
Great advice. You can't take this type of thing personally because the offender was not doing it too you. Relax and simply do your best.
Above my Desk sits this one Quote. " You Can't Lose Things You Don't Have "
I've had this happen in the insurance industry too unfortunately. But when they realise I can help them it's a little easier for them to switch to me at some point, realtors I can understand it stings a little more!
Good reminders to stay on top of our soi.
Jennifer, your advice and read on the situation is very good. People sometimes feel so bombarded by all the relatives, friends and second cousins twice removed that are recommended to them for any personal service including real estate and staging, that they avoid the whole situation and hire a stranger.
And, it works conversely too. If you take a friend's listing and you can't sell it, you have to put the friendship on top. Tell them your feelings won't be hurt if they list with someone else, they will appreciate your ability to be professional and considerate of their feelings.
Besides, in some of these situations "my friends" may want to list the house higher than what I've told them....might be better in those cases to let another agent handle it first.
Jennifer,
Follow the MONEY!!!! If Jane could get into her "friends" minds, she'd see that there is a money-privacy issue here!
Kathy Opatka Re/Max OCEAN CITY, MARYLAND
Jennifer, don't take it too personally. They may have decided that they don't want you to know some of their personal information and to them, they wish to keep business separate from friendship.
It's a bummer but it happens.
Hi Jennifer~ Sometimes it is hard to not take these things personally. But, in reality, it isn't really personal at all. Their relationship is with the daughter, NOT really with the mother anyway. I have found that people make business decisions that have nothing to do with us and are not personal at all. We just tend to perceive it that way.
sometimes this is a blessing in disguise , in this market, having a close relation sometimes causes more struggles than its worth
It is so easy to take things personally - but you can't. You just need to refocus and move on.
Jennifer - If you are in real estate long enough (and sometimes it does not take long) this, or something similar will happen to you. It is business--it is life. The important thing is not to dwell on the disappointment. Spend your energy on the next one, not the one that got away.
Hi, Jennifer,
That is the story of a Realtor's life, isn't it? I totally agree we can't take it personal, there are too many ups and downs in this business, one big roller coaster. If we decide to stay in the ride, we have to take the good and the bad also.
Good story!
OMG, I have had so many issues with this. I try really hard to avoid family and friends. It just never works out. My husband's two older sons have taken advantage of me and so my solid rule is that I will list their homes for them for a huge discount but then they have to use me when they want to buy so at least I can get a commission from the seller of their new home.
Enjoyed reading your post and it really hit home. The "friend" part too, I have had that happen and turn it around on them and tell them that I think it is best to not do real estate transactons for friends.
Best for Jane to send the material if she wants but tell her it is just "FYI", or if she knows someone who is not a close friend or relative who needs Real Estate Advice. Also, Jane may be able to find a buyer....I would just keep it positive and happy with the Neighbor/friend. I think it happens to everyone.
Same thing happened to me - they listed 3 no less rental properties AND with an agent in my office!
Knowing them, however, I may be just as well off. At least the agent is in my downline!
Interesting comments because so many of them DO apply to my friend's situation, even tho I didn't post all the details here. For the record, I don't have any problem working with friends (although rumor has it that family is a whole different matter - I've never had that particular joy) - in fact, almost all of my friends HAVE used me as their real estate agent at some point in my career and I've never (okay, rarely) had a relationship-damaging issue. A couple of my friends/clients are no longer friends as a result of our working together, but they were all pretty tenuous relationships anyway and probably better off triaged out of my life.
But, let's all admit... it DOES sting when we lose a listing or a buyer, even though (as many of you so brilliantly stated), it wasn't business we had in the first place!
Jennifer - I do know that those things happen, but it is always a pleasant surprise when you get a call from someone else who does want to list with you.
Jennifer - good blog. I to have had these experiences. One was my neighbor. He told me that they were going to be transferred and told me he would list his house with me. One day I came home and there was another real estate sign in their yard. I was furious. He never called me or anything about it. I found out later from his wife that in order for them to get their moving benefits, he had to use this other company. She told me that he didn't know what to do so he ignored me because they wanted the benefits.
I must say that I get these too. What I have learnt is that if I dwell over it, it only does me no good. I think about it and see how I can do better the next time if it meant I dropped the ball in the first place. Other than that, I move on.
Like you, I will continue to put them in my SOI.
Great advice you gave them! As much as you would like to remove them from the mailing list since the "turned" on you. You have to stay friendly and be there to assist them when the will hopefully need it in the future.
Jennifer, the fine art of not taking anything anyone says or does personally ~ I find it interesting when I am not in the middle of something like this to notice how my mind will go make up the story about why they (customer) did what they did. I love the idea of not taking it personally and also taking the time to consider how I am or am not showing up as the agent I want to be.
Speaking of family - here's an excerpt from my SOI newsletter (to subscribe to it - just go to my home page www.sellwithsoul.com - the registration box is on the bottom left):
The fine line between FRIENDS ... and FAMILY.
A lot of new agents define SOI as "My friends and family." We throw that phrase around a lot when talking about pursuing business from the people we know.
But really, your friends... and your family are two very different groups of people.
Your friends are much more likely to be good sources of business for you, believe it or not. Your family... eh.... it might take them awhile to warm up to the idea of sending business your way. It will take even longer if you pester them or whine when they choose another agent to refer to or even hire for their own real estate transaction.
It's possible your family may never be a good source of business for you! And that's okay!
In fact, I think you should let your family off the hook from the start. Tell them upfront that you'd be happy to chat with them about real estate issues, but you'd prefer to keep your business and your family separate. I know this is totally counter to what I've said over and over again ‑ that you CAN combine your business and personal lives ‑ but family is different. I don't know why, they just ARE.
Don't put yourself in the position of being avoided at family functions because everyone is afraid you'll prospect to or hassle them for their non‑support. Besides being rude, it also makes you look... well... desperate. And terribly unprofessional.
Act "as if" you have plenty of business and that you're having tons of fun. They'll come around.
Hi Jennifer, good point, sometimes they may not want you to know their issues. I had a good friend list with another agent and then sell the property himself as by owner. I know that this person is simply greedy and has no class. Sometimes you have to just brush it off and move forward.
Jennifer, It's happened to me and I know that it hurts more than we care to admit. Just keep a smile on your face and show their home many times so they see what they are missing. Hopefully you'll get it when it expires.
Jennifer ~ Great advice! I agree with some of your comments that selling your home is a private matter and some people really want to keep it that way. It is hard not to get hurt feelings but business is business!
Great points and it definitely happens to us all one time or another. The trick is to have it not happen more than happen ;-)
Yep, happens all the time. It's never easy to take but you have to move on and not let it devastate you. I always relate things to sports. It's like a hitter in baseball striking out. Either you go up there next time determined to get a hit, or you just give up because you struck out. The choice seems pretty clear. Keep on trying, put the strike outs behind you. Good advice to your friend Jennifer. Good post, and best of luck in 2009.
Great advice Jennifer. I find that in most cases, you have to be in the right place at the right time no matter how much contact you have had with a potential client.
Walk it off!
Sorry to be so harsh but no crying in real estate. Coffee is for closers so go close something.
Also great advice Chris! More often then not the 2nd agent listing it will be the one to sell the home.
Jennifer ... I like your writing. I also fall into the somewhat thin-skin category but I've been in the biz 9+ years so I like the 2-hour rule (overnight only for newbies). A favorite line of mine when talking with SOI, or others for that matter, in regards to the realtors on their list ... "I understand your (fill in the blank) sister-in-law is a Realtor. Most people I know know more than one Realtor. I would be happy to the the 2nd name on your list ... your sister-in-law (fill in the blank) may not always be the right choice for everyone." ... and they usually shake their heads in agreement with this saying something like "oh yea, my sis-in-law (fill in the blank) is definitely not a match for everyone ... ha ha ... I'll definitley keep you on my list."
After different scenerios, which shall remain nameless, I have decided not to prospect to friends or relatives. If they want to truly use me, they know I am in the business and they know how to contact me. It is just easier for me to keep things in perspective when a person whom I have met from the real estate business decides to go with another agent versus a freiend or family member.
Jennifer, I couldn't agree with you more. I'm fascinated at how so many people expect a marketing effort such as your SOI philosophy to work with an unrealistically high success percentage, and in doing so miss the point. No matter how hard you try, there will always be someone who will choose someone else. We can't take it personally...especially since I think we've all had those moments of realization after making a decision. That moment where you remember you know someone who could have helped you, but in the moment you chose someone else instead. I love reading your stuff and you're right on here. You rock!
Jennifer, It's happened to me as well...I can't take it personal...I just hope to get their business down the road when it's time to sell their current home and upgrade. Thank you for the post!
Julie Nelson - that's brilliant! I like the way you think! Something tells me we might agree on a lot of things!
Sonya - that is SO true. I can think of dozens of times I've hired someone simply because they there at the right time, even though I'd had casual relationships with other vendors.
Jennifer, even though your girls are so close just how close are you to the parents? From a female thinking view I would say it could be an insecurity on the wife's part. I believe the dynamics between men and women are very complicated and rule much of our success with that couple. If she is in any way intimidated by you she would simply hire someone else. I have had first time visits with people where the man was very open and ready to deal yet the wife was closed up and suspicious. No matter how I played my cards with them I couldn't get her approval. (women feel this) So, it could be something as simple as this you know. And, I know you know.
Later in the rain~Deb
Jennifer, this is such a good post and the comments above reaveal that often times it is that they don't want you to know their finances. Some people don't want to mix business with pleasure. Also, some people know what jerks they can be and don't want to mess up a friendship with business!
Hi Jennifer
I know it may hurt know, but look ahead.. I may of happen for a reasons
Jennifer - I completely agree that while I do include friends and family in my SOI, I used to treat them very differently when it came to working with them. I don't know about anyone eles family, but my family, and to a little lesser degree my friends, were literally my life blood the first 18 months of my mortgage career. Having said that though, unfortunately, I set some bad precedents with my family back then.
Fast forward six years, and I am definitely much smarter and wiser when it comes to working with family. I no longer let them walk all over me or take advantage of me. They are now treated the same way as the rest of my SOI, with respect and professionalism. Granted, over the years, there were those relatives that felt slighted because they didn't get the same "deal" as some other relative that I helped in the beginning of my mortgage career. Did I lose some family business because of it? Sure I did, but in the long run, I considered it was a blessing in disguise.
The funny thing though, the relatives that decided not to use me for some reason or another, will call me and ask me questions when they have problems with the LO they did choose. Most of the time, I just very politely and professionally tell them, "you need to discuss your concerns with your LO. That's their job and that's why you hired them".
As for friends in my SOI who go with someone else? I agree there is a moment where I wonder why but as you said, more times than not, the decision had nothing to do with me (I often do ask why the chose someone else). Sometimes, when I hear why they chose someone else, I think to myself, blessing in disguise.
After a few early experiences with this kind of rejection when I started, I made a decision to not attach myself to these. It will always sting a bit but the reality is everyone knows a realtor - most more than one. I remain consistent with who I am and let the rest roll.
It's business. If you become so personally attached to the rejection - then you are treating it like a social thing rather than a business. In that case, that might be why they didn't use you in the first place.
I think you should still keep them on your list. They probably didnt work with you because they dont want to sacrifice a friendship if anything goes wrong. Or maybe they have somethings going on in their lives that they dont want you to know, because when you list with someone, your bound to tell your agent everything that is happening in your life. I wouldnt take it personal. You never know, things may go wrong with their listing and may end up with you. Keep your head up!
I agree that alot of neighbors and friends don't want you to know about their financial situation. Never know if this home doesn't sell right away they may come to you. I had clients I spent 3 days with and they bought from someone else, I was totally dumb founded.
Hi Jennifer. Right on.
All we can do is our best. Not everyone should or will use us.
Jane needs to keep marketing. Very likely the sellers will need another Realtor.
Thanks for writing,
Ken
I always say you have to wear a teflon suit on our business and let the crap bounce off, or else you will go crazy!
I got a "mean-o gram" this weekend, asking to remove them from my mailing list. Turns out that my client got divorced and had a new significant other that did not appreciate seeing the ex wife's name... OOPS... All is better now... we just need to roll with the punches and move on
All part of being in real estate. Yep, feel, accept it and move on.
Jennifer - Nice answer to this very common problem that we as Realtors sometimes have to face. Just goes to show the importance of explaining how you work to everyone in your SOI. When they know that business is just not handed to you, they re-think everything. Nice job!
Jennifer - Great information there. It sure is frustrating, especially when its a listing that you're sure you will get and then you see it in the MLS.
In some areas where STATUS is more prominant I can see people hiding their finances from friends.
Great approach. I'm still new so I can fret overnight. Phew.
I have found sometimes the closer they are to you the more they do not want you to handle such a personal transation. I think its a combination of them not wanting you to know their financial business. And them scared something might go rwrong and damage the friendship. Let it roll off your shoulders NEXT.
You have to believe in KARMA to survive in this crazy business. Don't count on anyone when doing your numbers for the year or month until you have actually been to the settlement table and the money has been disbursed regardless of what has been signed. Things happen and they happen for a reason and if you believe in that, it will all work out however it is supposed to work out. When I first started in the business I got offended too, but learned to just brush it off now. Let them call someone else, I'll keep them on the list, if something happens I'll be the next agent who lists their home and I can then tell them if they would have called me first it wouldn't have happened. If they actually sell it, more power to them and good for them. Anyone who sells a home in today's market deserves a GOLD STAR!!!
Jennifer- thanks for sharing this story. It's something which happens all of the time and- as you said- we have to have thick skin and keep searching for families we CAN serve!
Great post. and it is true you can not let it eat you up, nor eat up your day.
Probably for the best. I personally prefer not to work with friends/family because there tends to be higher expectations. We can deliver our most quality service but for some reason (and especially when you live with the person) miscommunication can occur and hard feelings can (depending on the parties) get in the way. I'd much rather receive the referral and keep my relationship first.
Of course it depends on the level of intimacy and relationship with the person too. I'm sure you would have done an outstanding job but perhaps, people just want to keep business seperate from friendship as well. I've had that happen to and they explained to me, nothing personal. In fact I was relieved.
Sometimes people simply do not want someone that is in their social or school circle to know their that much about their personal business, and end up choosing someone that is a little more removed from them. Because as we all know, as real estate agents, we all get to know much more about our clients than we or they intend! I wouldn't even think about it twice.
It's funny because in a way I tend to steer clear of my SOI as far as marketing to them goes. But invariably, people in my sphere will ask me to help them with a real estate issue. And I am usually happy to help them out. So, for me, I like to be pleasantly surprised if someone in my sphere comes calling!
My mother-in-law listed her house with someone else.......and then bought another one with someone else. You gotta love it when your own family supports you! :)
Good post. But, now, I'm have "10 minutes" of dopwntime about it. I find that 10 minutes is manageable.
Some of these same things come back in about 3 months, so don't give up or say anything.
This is sooooo common. My business partner's golf buddy for 10 years chose another agent that has been in the business for one year. My partner has been in the business 30 years and we are the top agents in the area....by far. So why? My partner's friend's wife is best friend's with the Realtor. Women will win that deal most of the time. This one ended up being funny as my partner had someone that he thought may buy it...and he did 5 days after listing. It was a slap in the face to them as we would have given them a discount on the commission. It will happen to you all the time. Just suck it up and move on and treat them beautifully as odds are fair that you may end up getting the listing thereafter. On the other hand you will get listings like this and feel pretty bad about taking the listing. Just move on.........
Jennifer I do a lot of business with my friends, but not all of them come to me. The way I handle it is to treat it the same way I would want someone else to handle it with me, and that is friendship is friendship and business is business. My friendship with them may give me the upper hand on getting their business, but it doesn't not guarantee it. I still have to compete for it and show them that I am the right choice.
In seeing Ann's comment, I had to laugh b/c sometimes doing business with family is a whole other can of worms. Sometimes, not working with family is a blessing in disguise.
Jennifer,I don't know a realtor that hasn't happened to. And it will probably happen a few more times before our careers are over LOL. But she should definitely take the high road with the parents.
Jennifer, Congratulations on the feature. This truly is a topic that has been around forever and there is no easy answer for why one's friends may or may not choose to list with you. Sometimes people would prefer not to work with a friend. Sometimes they know so many Realtors that they decide to list with someone that they don't know rather than be forced to choose.
Obviously this is a topic that touches everyone. I agree with those comments that your friends and family don't want you to know what their personal financial situation is. They feel more comfortable with the anonymity of a stranger.
That is a healthy outlook on business relationships and refreshing to read.
Hi Jennifer -- I've been there and done that, and it's never fun when this occurs. I ask former clients as a followup after a transaction: What could I have done better so I can evaluate and perhaps incorporate your suggestions for future clients, as no service provider is perfect, and I really, really, really want to know. I ask this even when the relationship was beyond incredible.
I am amazed at how I have been blind to little things sometimes, that I now do.
"but family is different. I don't know why, they just ARE"
Hi Jennifer,
You have a very keen eye for the difficult situations! I commend you on your ability to net it out.
Regarding the family thing...it is different and I have found with my closest family that I want them to know that I am their biggest fan and sometimes this means I want to support them even when they are wrong.
This works when the issues don't involve me directly or the people that I would consider referring the family member to... what I mean is; I want to remain my family members' biggest fan...through and through, so this automatically means I must use caution in the referring of business...just in case I want to continue to be their biggest fan when they fall.
When it comes to family, I think they reciprocate the feeling as being my biggest fans, so they have the right(permission) to protect our deep care and respect for eachother.
I am new to your information and insights and genuinely see that you are on to something big!
Keep it going.
Bob
Jennifer, Fortunately for me I don't have any friends:) But if I did I would NEVER want to be their agent. I would be happy to help them pick an agent and answer any questions of they ask but I do not want to mix my personal life and my business. I also won't solicit business in the area I live. In fact I don't even solicit business in the town I live in. TLW and I are very private people and prefer to keep our business separate. Now having said that I do have some customer/clients that I have worked with for years and who have become good acquaintances. I take friendship very serious.
Oh, my goodness. So many comments. Thank you all....
Bob - Your comment was brilliant - in fact, it may inspire a whole chapter in my next book, or at least a section. Hmmmmmm.... my mind is spinning.
BB- so I guess you won't be signing up for my next SOI training class...
Jennifer, oh so true! I am thinned skinned as well...we are all only human, darn it! :) I have found at times that friends don't want us to know their business, especially if it is embarrassing to them, don't you think?
Jennifer - Congrats on the feature ! Let us know where you are going to be on March 17th. We would love to meet up ! ~ Chris
I preach this same thing all the time to my agents. It is always taken so personally and it never ceases to amaze me when the agent finds out the real reason another agent was chosen. 99% it was never personal. I loved the post! Great job!
I once noticed a former buyer of mine had her house listed with another agent...gasp..how could that be? Turns out she didn't want me to know she was selling the house she was soooo in love with the year earlier to move in with a boyfriend she had trashed mercilessly to me during the time we worked together. (I found out through mutual friends). Now, in that case, I could not have cared less about any of that, but she clearly did and it had nothing to do with me. And everything to do with her.
It is a hard thing to get over when your new but as time goes on, my favorite word is NEXT.
Sorry to hear this happened. I think it happens to all of us. Throiugh my personal experiences I have found that it had nothing to do with me but rather it was more convenient. I send newsletters, birthday cards etc.. but on the day they decided to get financing they just finished paying their bills and on comes a Countrywide commercial. In your case another agent may have dropped a flyer on the day they were discussing selling their home. Convenience seems to be the key for most folks unless you have already served them and they have a feeling of trust that makes it worth it for them to seek you when it comes time to do something.
You have the right to be angry as I just had a similar experience of working with a guy for 2 years. I call him and he just signed loan papers today with an online outfit. Frustrating yes, personal....I don't think so. Hang in there!
I know first hand, that this is hard to handle! You are just sooooo ticked...I usually have to get a nights sleep to really shake the anger...
I have a neighbor that came to the Annual Egg HUnt that I sponsor for my n'hood, and 3 days later they listed their home with another agent in my company! I could NOT believe it! I thought that was nerve to show up at my event, even though they lsted with someone else... They are now on their second agent and it is still overpriced. Just last month he sent me a flyer to keep his business in mind if i needed his services! Sure I will! I filed that right on top of my trash bin! Can you tell I am still angry.
Actually, it is better to be the 2nd or 3rd agent, in a market like this! So, just wait in line, and let agent #1 & #2 work them over, and get them prime for YOU TO SELL IT!
These things will happen -- they happen to all of us at one time or the other -- we just have to dust ourselves off and move on .
That type of thing used to really bother me. STill does but not as much.
I agree with with Rebecca Gaujot Lewisburg, WV (304) 520-2133 (Coldwell Banker Stuart & Watts Real Estate) I had a brother and sister inlaw list with another agent because they didn't want me to know about there finances. They give me no credit. (I already know) Thanks for the post.
You have to have thick skin and not take it personal. I've been there.
Wonderful post!!! We have all been disappointed when our friends decide to use someone else, but I have learned as you it generally is not personal. I have found the best course of action to take is to continue to work towards meeting new people in hopes you can help them out with their real estate needs. Just keep focused and new business will come to you. As you continue to work with people and do a good job for them they will refer you to others and your business will continue to grow.
Jenifer,
That was a great read. I try not to mix business with friends anyway so...
It just happened to me recently also. Some people who I sold them the house just 3 years ago, have been on my mailing list both snail and e-mail since 3 years ago listed their home(the one I sold them) with another agent in my office who they don't even know, because I asked the other agent "How did you get that listing" She said I don't know these people, she said when she went on the appointment the owners had a list of their realtor friends of which I was one of 5 on the list. They told her they didn't want to list their home with some one a thought of as a friend but some one they didn't know. Go Figure ?? I guess I don't need friends like that. In my humble opinion they should have invited their 5 realtor friends to the bar at 5.30pm bought us all a drink told us to put our business cards in a hat and who ever was drawn out would list thier house, maybe they would still have 5 friends. The irony of it all, is that the agent in my office who listed the home is now out for 10 days after surgery and asked me to handle that listing should an offer or some other thing need doing with it. Still Pouting...Alan
Jennifer,
Often it's better that real estate agents and mortgage consultants don't get business from relatives and close friends. If something goes wrong the relationship can quickly deteriorate.
Alan - yeah, that would tick me off, too. Although I have to admit that I recently hired a stranger over a friend, mainly because I had more than one friend who did this particular service and I didn't want to choose. But most of all, it was a matter of her being in the right place at the right time. I'm fully expecting my friends to be annoyed with me. ;-[
Jennifer- Excellent! You are so right, it has nothing to do with you! I like the saying, Some Will, Some won't, So What, NEXT!!!
Plus, in this market, we never really want to be the first agent unless it is a short sale. Regular listings- best if you are the second or third agent who gets the listing, after they tried the others:)
Well written post. Yes, you need to remind yourself that sometimes your SOI will choose another Realtor...its okay. Thanks for the post.
This situation is familiar to many of us. I have some friends that listed with another agent because they have worked with him over the years to buy and sell previous homes. Can I blame them? No. I think it's good they are loyal to him and if he does a good job, there is no reason they should change to someone else!
Daughter's best friend's parents? What about siblings?! What about parents?! After all, if they're not loyal to you, who is? Sometimes it makes you doubt that maybe you didn't promote yourself hard enough... so you've got to find discrete ways to promote yourself. When they ask you, "How have you been lately?" use that opportunity to gush about your newest listing and client who are thrilled to work with you.
My brother and sister, both of whom I love very much and get along with very well, have listed their homes since I've been an agent, and both used other brokers. With my blessing. In one case it was the home's co-owner who didn't want to work with me, fearing I'd "side" with my brother. And in the other case, I recommended they work with someone else, since I thought it would benefit them to have an agent with more commercial experience.
And guess what? In both cases, the houses didn't sell. There were good reasons they didn't sell. And I was VERY relieved that I didn't have to mix family occasions and family relationships with the stress of trying to move an in-some-way difficult listing for someone I love.
They DO work with me when it makes sense -- I sold an investment property for my sister that we sold in a day. I'm about to list two more investment properties for her. And they'll always work with me on a purchase, unless they buy with no representation (which has happened as well). But if there's any aspect of the deal I'm not comfortable with (or another party to the transaction isn't comfortable with) I'll bow out every time. Money spends really fast, but family relationships last forever, and mine are much more important than a listing or two.