A major fear of beginning an SOI* Seduction campaign is that your targets (that is, the people who know you) will see right through your attempts at friendship and know that you're trying to "seduce" them.
So, let's talk about Seduction for a moment. 
Even when I'm aware I'm being seduced, I certainly enjoy the ride. I mean, if my man were to come home tonight and outright announce he was expecting some action, I might be put off by his approach. I might feel a little used. However, if he came home with roses, gave me a big hug and kiss, helped me clear the table and then took out the trash, his chances of getting lucky would dramatically increase, wouldn't they?
So what if I know what he's up to?
Or imagine a young man takes a young woman out on a date. If he were to ask her up front if he's going to get lucky that night, she would probably be offended, even though it's likely she realizes it's in the back of his mind. So, the smart young man takes a different approach. He is charming. He is friendly. He is appreciative. He is attentive. He is complimentary. He is respectful. In short, he's good company and makes her feel special. He's fun to be around.
Will his seduction efforts pay off? Who knows? But he's sure a whole lot closer than if he had just announced his intentions up front. Again, the young woman probably knows she's being "seduced" but she's enjoying it.
So, let's compare a romantic seduction to the process of seducing your SOI. Fact is you want something from your SOI. You want their business and referrals. You want to be invited to their parties. You want to be their favorite real estate agent, don't you?
Well, you could always call up everyone you know and tell them, couldn't you? Remind them on the first Monday of each month that You {Heart} Referrals? Ask them if they know of anyone buying or selling real estate? Maybe even ask them for an invitation to their next social gathering?
But do you think they'd look forward to hearing from you? Do you think they'd appreciate your approach? Probably not; in fact, they might start avoiding your calls.
What if you were to call up your friends every month or two and ask how they're doing and really listen? Maybe even offer to help or send out periodic informative e-mails or newsletters of interest to them instead of all about you. What if you invited your friends to your Super Bowl party or sent them a postcard from your vacation in Cancun?
Would your friends realize you want their business and referrals? Maybe, but they won't care - you are making them feel special and cared about. Besides that, you're fun to be around!
Seduction works in a romantic arena; it also works in a prospecting one. If we are charming, friendly, appreciative, attentive, complimentary, respectful and fun to be around (and also reliable and competent), we'll get our friends' business and referrals. We don't have to beg for it; we really don't even need to ask for it.
Give it some thought.
*SOI Seduction = Sphere of Influence = To generate business and referrals from the people who know you.
Jennifer - Awesome post! I have blown everyone away by writing posts in the past where I say I don't send out post cards or newsletters. What I do is make A LOT OF PHONE CALLS. Every time I call my sphere I NEVER ASK FOR REFERRALS and yet I receive as many referrals in my large office as anyone else. Every trainer I have heard in the past always says we must always ask for the referral in a conversation and I have proven one does not have to. I have used method for a good 20+ years with great success. I have not taken floor time since 1997 and will be awarded the "Hall of Fame" next month in Vegas by RE/MAX International.
You hit the nail right on the head!
Jenn
I agree with you, being a happy and outgoing personality helps 100% than being a lemon!! Is good to be naturally friendly- it helps-
Heather - Yep - sincerity is huge, as is approaching your SOI as a friend first, and a real estate agent second or third or fourth. If you'd like more ideas, I can send you an invitation to my SOI Blog Forum - it's private, but it's an amazing group of people who really GET it.
Dan - keep me posted and let me know if I can help!
Mark - Drinks & dinner are good... dancing optional.
Roberta - for me, it's too intimidating to approach my SOI in any way BUT sincerely. I'd just feel icky if I "went after them" for business.
Rob - When the light bulb goes off, it seems so obvious! I hope I can help with that!
Maria - I'm not actually all that friendly, but I am sincere. Not everyone responds, but I don't need everyone's business.
Hank - Glad you enjoyed it! It was fun to write.
George - Yeah, I figured you'd get it!
Very nice a relational approach to Real Estate - I knew it was not dead and I was not the only one. Thanks Jennifer...
CONNOR with HONOR
Hi Jennifer. Congrats on your successes. You seem to have a great attitude. Keep up the great work and I will keep a lookout for more of your posts.
Ken
Hi Jennifer. Lucky is good, however I don't think you are talking about luck. You are talking about being friendly, hardworking, honest, helpful, etc.. Qualities that unfortunately too many people do not associate with realtors. Good for you Jennifer.
Ken
"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity" - my new favorite way of putting it.
Until now it was either "Luck is when probability is taken personally" or "Luck is a city in Wisconsin"
Jennifer - Should your next move be to my area.............well, I will get lucky!!!!!! Then there would be two of us sharing the love with clients.
This is the way to reach all goals. This is also the way to reach goals and have literally hundreds of people glad to see that you achieve them.
I think we all strive for that, but I think there is a fine line between seduction and pushy. Thanks for the great post.
This is a very thought provoking post...I love the dating analogy and once again, you are right on the button!
Jennifer - So seduction is the key? I should have known. It makes sense to show people that you care about them first, instead of just asking for anyone they know who may be looking to buy or sell a home.
Certainly a good analogy - its certainly about relationship selling!
Ok... I read your post on the explanation of the word "seduction" in your newsletter.....
From what I see... you are saying that in order to get something (sex in marriage, or business in life) you have to be:
It sounds as if you have a VERY good marriage if your husband and you treat each other this way, Jen. To appreciate each other by being a giving, loving, considerate spouse will ALWAYS result in romantic sparks flying and at the very least, it keeps the embers of a relationship warm and cozy.
The same goes for any relationship............... real estate included........ everyone wants to be cared about.... and listened to... and feel as if they mean something other than just a commission check.......... you have put it in a slightly sassy and fun way, Jen.
I will subscribe to your newsletter, lady...... I'll let your husband take out the trash and help with the dishes..... I am sure you will find some way to thank him.... have fun, Jen............hehehehehe ;-)
=-)
Your seduction analogy makes a lot of sense in terms of "getting business" and this is fun reading! I recently subscribed to your blog and look forward to reading more of your old and new posts.