My mom died this past Sunday. Most of you already know that because I sent out a letter about it to my entire SWS mailing list. If you didn't get the letter and would like to read it - you can do that here.
I wrote the letter to share my sad news with my friends. Your friends, you ask? Seriously? Jennifer, your mailing list is made up of customers, readers and subscribers, but friends? That's a bit of a stretch, isn't it?
I wasn't sure, really. I hesitated before sending out the letter, mainly because I worried it might irritate my family who might think the death of our momma should have been kept more private. So, in keeping with my personality, I stewed over it all of five minutes and then made the decision to send it.
Oh, my.
Within five minutes, I got several hundred responses. Personal messages that ranged from simple condolences to several-paragraph-long, heartfelt expressions of sympathy. I was laughing and crying as I hit the "SEND/RECEIVE" button and watched another 20 or 30 or 40 more emails come in.
As the evening went on, the messages kept coming. At last count, I'd received close to 1,000 emails, all of which expressed various sentiments of love, support, sympathy and understanding. Many shared their own stories of their loved one's last days, weeks, months and years. Many thanked ME for sharing my experience and inspiring them to "give Mom a call."
It was an evening I probably won't soon forget.
Anyway, my point is that we often criticize others for "living online," or conversely, apologize to others for our own robust online lives. Because, somehow, our online relationships aren't "real." They aren't respectable. They're our excuse for not being out in the world living among "real" people.
And I get that. I even teach it. "Go out in the world with your antenna up and a smile on your face" is one of my mantras for building a real estate business.
But the world is changing. For the better? I dunno. But I tell you with 100% certainty that the hundreds of people who responded to my email yesterday and continue to respond today are my friends. "Real" friends. Even if I never meet them - never shake their hand, give them a hug, share a coffee or cocktail; even if I wouldn't recognize them on the street - they are my friends.
So, instead of worrying that you're hiding behind your computer screen, just rejoice that 21st century technology allows you to have an even MORE robust social life than ever before! And to gather far more friends who truly care about you than you ever imagined possible.
And that is a very good thing.
Jennifer, I am very sorry to hear about your Mom's passing. I know all to well the pain of that event. I thank you for sharing your thoughts and wanted to share with you that I absolutely agree with you. There is more connectedness through the blog posts and comments with fellow AR members than in most face to face business and many interpersonal relationships. I certainly think of many on AR as my friends.....
Jennifer, Okay, I went back and read the letter you sent out....I totally understand your feeling of relief and not wishing to change things. My Grandmother was the champion of my life and I know for certain that she prevailed through many an illness and much pain until I reached enough maturity to tell her it was alright to go....In hindsight, I still wish I reached that milestone some time earlies so she could have gone to rest sooner. Thank you for sharing your Mother's story.
Jennifer,
Thanks for sharing your story with me. May she rest in peace.
Jennifer
When I clicked on this post I almost fell out of my chair. Your mother looks exactly like my mother - the eyes, the smile, the hair. I called my kids over without telling them why and they immediately saw it.
My life fell out from beneath me on Sunday, September 28, 2003 when my mother died. And if I had a mailing list back then, I might have used it as well because I understand your letter and need to send it.
I'd send you a photo of my mom, but sadly, all my photos of her are printed, not digital - but believe me , they could have been sisters! Maybe they'll run into eachother . . .
J.A. I received your SWS email while I was out of town.
So very sorry for your loss.
Sincerely,
Mike
Jennifer - I remember getting your letter yesterday and reading it brought tears to my eyes not only because of your loss of your dear Momma but because of the connection I felt at that very moment with you, even though we have never met. We share a similar pain and your "being ok" made me feel better about my own feelings for my Papa Jack.
Jennifer,
It is hard losing your mother. Been there done that. I too have lots of friends here in the "rain".
I think we can sometimes craft closer frendships online because we are actually communicating...not entertaining each other, not being distracted by movies/meals/other factors. All we have online are words. And we can pick our friends online instead of being restricted by geography. ;-)
Jennifer - I am so sorry for the loss of your Mother. Wendy
I'm happy you have so many wonderful memories of your mother, and how fortunate you were to have so many years to spend together. My best advice is to focus less on your loss and more on what you gained by being her daughter. I'm sure the gain outweighs the loss.
Yes, we are more real than you can ever imagine. Meeting face to face is not necessary.
I am so sorry for you loss. It's great to hear about the community supporting you. May she rest in peace.
Jennifer,
I sent you something yesterday on my "new phone". I am so sorry it came back to me as undeliverable. I have had you in my heart since I heard the news and I remember what it feels like. Just know that the love that we have for you will be there....but mother's love is best. And, she will still love you from wherever she is. This I know.
PS She looks like quite a spirit, and I can now see where you get yours!
Jennifer, the arrangement of A Gaelic Blessing by John Rutter is so beautiful and I think very comforting.....wish I could attach the YouTube here but the words are meaningful by themselves........
Much love to you and your family!
Jennifer - Words cannot convey what only God can heal - I will add my most sincere virtual hug - my heart goes out to you!!!
Congratulations this post is now featured in the Silent Majority Group of Active Rain.
Jen- I'm honored to be considered one of your friends. My husband has commented about my "friends" here on Active Rain when I talk about them as if they're real. Yes, they are real. I was really thrilled to see Elizabeth Weintraub on House Hunters- my real "friend' was on TV. I was really really saddened to learn of Carole Provenzale's passing. My "real" friend got real tears and a plant in her honor.
When I heard of your mother's passing, I wanted to comfort my "real friend". So here's a hug to get through the next few days.
Jennifer - I am sorry for your loss, but as you have said - it was time to go.
But I will tell you that there will come a time when the pain of loss will become less and the joy of memory will become more. You will see her smile on the trees, in the sunlight or on the waves. You will hear her laugh on the Gulf breezes. Whenever you do things you used to do together or go places where you used to see her, you will remember her love for you and you will smile. We spend a lifetime making happy memories of our mothers or fathers in preparation for this day. As long as you remember the good times and talk to your friends or family about her - she will never leave you.
Wish her well on her journey, know that she loved you and, if your faith permits, know that you will see her again. Thank you for sharing a bit of Dorothy Allan with us. I am sure your Momma would have been pleased.
Hi Jennifer I didn't get a chance to respond to your letter the other day, but wanted to let you know that I thought it was beautiful and understood exactly where you were. I lost my mother 20 years ago to cancer and although she did not suffer as long as your mother, she still sufferred. Because of that pain, it was sad to see her go, but almost a relief that she was out of pain.
Thank you for sharing with us and yes, online friendships and relationships are just that. God bless you and your family and do take some time to grieve.
My brothers often mock me about living in "virtual reality" but I honestly believe my relationships online are just as significant as those off-line.
Thinking of you!
I'm sorry to hear about your mom, Jennifer. She looks so lovely and fun in her photo, I know that's how you'll want to remember her. She knew how much you loved her.
All the best,
Robin
I am sorry for your loss and I understand the pain. For many years after my dad died I would forget he was gone and think about picking up the phone to call him.
Thanks so much everyone... I'm so behind in my personal correspondence this week - I'm sure you understand... so I'll just say THANK YOU for your prayers, hugs and good wishes... and I'll catch up with y'all next week.
Yes, it is okay.
You are absolutely right to share with your friends on AR.
My thoughts and prayers are with you & your family.
Hi Jen,
I thought it was very cool that you shared such a personal experience with all of us (I am one of your SWS followers and on the email list). However, I really do feel the connection! That's the reason why I called you when I was in that real estate challenge.
We spout on and on about the Web 2.0 and social media and making the connections and then when the connections are made, we are criticized. Isn't one of the points of social networking to make new friends? If it was not for sites like this, what would the chances of us even knowing each other be? Slim to none is my bet! And I am very grateful for having known you and having you in my life, even if it is virtual. When I talk about you to others, I say my soulful friend Jen. I told all kinds of people about the sand my friend sent me.
Honestly, it feels great to know you think of us the same way!
Still in my thoughts and prayers!
Christine
Thanks, Christine - and I'm so glad you're enjoying your sand!!! And yep - y'all ARE my friends fer sure...
Heading to the service now... all your thoughts and prayers and hugs and support have been HUGELY appreciated!
Hi, Jennifer. I read your letter and I want to tell you that it is one of the most moving, beautifully written things I've ever read...mostly because it was simple and straight from the heart. You were right to send and share and yu know you've succeeded when both the writer and the reader feel enriched.
Thanks, Leslie - wow - what kind words. All teared up right now...
Hi Jennifer,
So very sorry for your profound loss of your dear Mother. Our thoughts and prayers are absolutely with you that your memories of her will ease your pain. We are a family here so don't worry what others say about the involvement of social networks. Be well.
Lisa
Thansk for sharing your story. Prayers with you.
From a new friend on AR